If we must die, O let us nobly die.

Claude McKay, If We Must Die, 1953

Words to Die By:
Lincoln Journal Star (Nebraska), Jan 4, 2005
  Critic of seat-belt legislation meets his unsurprising destiny.  
Bad Call:
New York Daily News, Feb 11, 2004
  Ill-conceived attempt to retrieve cellphone is cut off.  
God's Gun:
Florida Times-Union, Oct 3, 1998
  Minister sermonizes the dangers of single-player roulette.  
Road Rage:
Los Angeles Times, Jan 15, 1998
  When the family car becomes the family weapon.  
At Heaven's Gate:
Associated Press, Mar 28, 1997
  On this anniversary of last year's mass suicide.  
Las Vegas Review-Journal, May 7, 1997
  Two Heaven's Gate members try to play catch up.  
Kalashnikov-Wielding Men:
Wall Street Journal, July 11, 1988
  Wedding in Pakistan? Wear a vest — a bullet-proof one.  

For a Hat:
Lethbridge Herald (Alberta), Nov 19, 2003
  Loyal cap owner risks all for headwear — and loses, of course.  
Dog Shoots Man:
Associated Press, Jan 24, 2003
  Dog bites man. Man beats dog. Dog shoots man?  
Gotcha Piece Right Here:
New York Daily News, Sep 30, 2002
  We're not sure what homeboy was adjusting — New York style — but it was the gun that went off.  
The Nation (Bangkok), Oct 7, 2002
  The "mad race" for precious fares in Thailand has few winners.  
Can't Take it With You:
Reuters, Aug 18, 2002
  Determined thief demonstrates that only hope floats.  
A Major Embarrassment:
Baltimore Sun, Feb 9, 1994
  Conservative politician's departure is less than ... conservative.  
The Bicycle Thief:
The Irish Examiner, Mar 21, 2002
  The downside to the eco-friendly getaway vehicle.  
Cigarettes Will Kill You:
Associated Press, Dec 15, 2001
  And we all thought smoking them was bad enough.  
Died Orange:
Associated Press, Nov 12, 2001
  Man is turned into pumpkin for Halloween.  
St. Louis Post-Dispatch, Oct 12, 1994
  Brazen kidnapper attempts to devour his victim.  
Here, Kitty, Kitty ...
Associated Press, Jan 2, 1996
  Two New Year's revellers attempt to garland the god of destruction.  
Eat and Run:
United Press International, Oct 30, 1979
  Fleet-footed breakfast chiseler is turned to pancake.  
Going, Going, Gong:
Philadelphia Inquirer, Aug 21, 1992
  Just what is it with would-be psychics and freight trains?  
WCBS News Radio, Apr 26, 1999 & New York Times, May 2, 1985
  Two unlikely accidents at the ballpark, fifteen years apart.  
Brains Come Last:
Reuters, Jul 17, 1987
  Evolutionary conundrum illustrates process of natural selection.  
When the Music's Over:
Associated Press, Nov 25, 1983
  Mischievous club manager is caught in carnal death grip.  
Associated Press, Oct 27, 1998
  Would-be avenging arsonist feels the burn.  
The Lure of the Dare:
Akron Beacon Journal, Jan 30, 1998
  Oversized aquarium-dweller is the bait that bags piscivorous partygoer.  
An Old-Fashioned Shotgun Wedding:
Associated Press, Aug 17, 1982
  One more reason to frisk the in-laws before the nuptials.  
Blood on the Tracks:
Associated Press, Oct 13, 1998
  An old Mexican folk legend claims six new victims.  
Java Junkie:
Associated Press, Oct 26, 1998
  Collegian takes dare and swallows bottle of caffeine pills.  
Game Over, Man:
Associated Press, Aug 12, 1992
  For kayak team, Olympics end with a bang.  
Oh, Brother!:
Reuters, Oct 16, 1997
  Five brothers drown trying to retrieve car keys.  
Train of Thought:
Associated Press, Oct 1, 1989
  Psychic tries to stop freight train with mind. Locomotive has other ideas.  
That Ain't No Tractor; She's My Hoe:
Journal of Forensic Sciences, Mar 1993
  Diesel-powered hydraulic backhoes — and the men who love them.  
Philadelphia Inquirer, Oct 14, 1993
  Handyman dares to be dumb.  
The Do-It-Yourselfers:
Associated Press, Feb 18, 1993
  Transsexual gets it in the end.  
Hickory Daily Record (NC), Dec 21, 1992
  A very brief wake-up call for Smith & Wesson owner.  
This Next Joke'll Kill You:
Philadelphia Inquirer, Dec 4, 1991
  Masquerade proves a little too convincing.  
Okay, You Win:
Associated Press, Jul 5, 1984
  Laywer wins and loses race at the office.  
Waiting For His Next Trick:
Philadelphia Daily News, Jun 6, 1990
  Stunt kayaker takes canoe over the Niagara Falls.  
Buried Alive:
Orange County Register, Nov 2, 1990
  Self-proclaimed Houdini prepares elaborate funeral.  
Pair Fall Hard for Women:
Associated Press, Oct 31, 1988
  Jilted boyfriends fall painfully out of love.  
See Ya in "The Next World" Cup:
Philadelphia Inquirer, Jun 26, 1990
  Fan eliminates self when the home team is eliminated.  
An "En-Lightning" Demonstration:
Toronto Star, June 16, 1987
  Dad illustrates that adage about a little knowledge.  
Who's Hunting Whom?
Associated Press, April 23, 1990
  Shotgun-wielding snake shoots hunter.